Are you ready to embrace the pleasure in life and connect more deeply with yourself and others? In our enlightening conversation with Jamie Lerner, co-author of The Everloving Essence of You, we explore her unique ability to reframe difficult situations and how she transitioned from a career in psychotherapy to an integrative approach to well-being. We know you'll be inspired by her powerful insights on self-love, personal responsibility, and becoming a pleasure junkie.
Throughout our discussion, Jamie emphasizes the importance of establishing connections with ourselves and others, and reveals how self-compassion can lead to profound growth. Learn how to identify your life story, forgive yourself and others, and harness the power of choice to create a sense of self-care. We also delve into the joys of becoming a pleasure junkie and the steps you can take to cultivate this mindset in your own life.
Join us in this empowering episode as we uncover the secrets to living fully in the present moment, cherishing our bodies, and fostering stronger relationships. By embracing Jamie's wisdom, you'll be well on your way to cultivating a stronger sense of self and creating a more vibrant, pleasurable life. Don't miss out on this opportunity to learn from a woman who has navigated her own journey and is now helping others do the same.
Connect with Jamie on all of her platforms:
Feeling inspired by the episode? Please share the love by passing it on to a soul sister and leave us a 5 star review. Thank you for joining us on your journey in creating the life your future self is proud of. We are so grateful for your support.
Follow us on Instagram @manifestationandmimosas and our TikTok for more fun and inspirational content.
Sending you love and goddess vibes.
Cheers,
Nicole & Sophia
Are you ready to embrace the pleasure in life and connect more deeply with yourself and others? In our enlightening conversation with Jamie Lerner, co-author of The Everloving Essence of You, we explore her unique ability to reframe difficult situations and how she transitioned from a career in psychotherapy to an integrative approach to well-being. We know you'll be inspired by her powerful insights on self-love, personal responsibility, and becoming a pleasure junkie.
Throughout our discussion, Jamie emphasizes the importance of establishing connections with ourselves and others, and reveals how self-compassion can lead to profound growth. Learn how to identify your life story, forgive yourself and others, and harness the power of choice to create a sense of self-care. We also delve into the joys of becoming a pleasure junkie and the steps you can take to cultivate this mindset in your own life.
Join us in this empowering episode as we uncover the secrets to living fully in the present moment, cherishing our bodies, and fostering stronger relationships. By embracing Jamie's wisdom, you'll be well on your way to cultivating a stronger sense of self and creating a more vibrant, pleasurable life. Don't miss out on this opportunity to learn from a woman who has navigated her own journey and is now helping others do the same.
Connect with Jamie on all of her platforms:
Feeling inspired by the episode? Please share the love by passing it on to a soul sister and leave us a 5 star review. Thank you for joining us on your journey in creating the life your future self is proud of. We are so grateful for your support.
Follow us on Instagram @manifestationandmimosas and our TikTok for more fun and inspirational content.
Sending you love and goddess vibes.
Cheers,
Nicole & Sophia
Welcome back to the show. We have our first interview of the season, which we're super excited to share with you. Yes, and more to come. If you want to be a part of the show, be interviewed, be featured on the show, we have a link in our website. We'll put it in the show notes and you can click on it and follow to our calendar And you will get all the tools you need to help you schedule with us. Know about the interviewing process. It's really exciting. Yeah, we have several more interviews lined up for the rest of the summer now. Yes, so people are reaching out, they're finding us. Yeah, i love it.
Speaker 2:Right, yep, and really an array too. So there's a couple. I'm obviously not going to say right, this second, you know, but a wide variety of like careers and paths and life changing. You know stories, and so you know, and if you have some of that, hop on and let us know and let's hook it up.
Speaker 1:Yeah, and our intentions, like we said, we want to be intentional this season. Yeah, so the intentions of every interview we do obviously will be slightly different, but the overall intention is to share with you the wisdom from other women who are on their journey. They've discovered something. They have, you know, learned something, manifested, they're doing something great, leveled up in their life. Yeah, they're sharing with you, they're sharing with us because we want to learn too. So, yeah, in the episode, you know, we got to ask a lot of our own personal questions Yeah.
Speaker 1:Of Jamie, and we'll do that in every episode just to try to, you know, get a little little freebie Yeah.
Speaker 2:For ourselves.
Speaker 1:But we do love it. So. so, yeah, we're, and now we're going to tell you a little bit about Jamie and her bio. So set you up for the episode. Yeah, Take it away.
Speaker 2:So yes, according to her bio, jamie Lerner is a co-author of the book The Everloving Essence of You, which I loved. She can put a fresh spin on just about anything that anyone throws her way. Her unique and masterful ability to reframe even the most difficult situations is astounding. All of a sudden, your biggest nightmare becomes your greatest pleasure, as she lovingly helps you sift through and the contrast and find that small opening of light that quickly becomes your greatest jumping off point for clarity. Loved, unassuming, reassuring and seemingly without any sense of ego, jamie Lerner is able to put everyone and everything at ease.
Speaker 1:So Jamie is an asset to any corporate setting. She's easily available to untangle the issues at hand and move right along into helping facilitate a solution-based platform for creative, productive good feeling, collaboration and change. Jamie can most often be seen working with adults, teens, children and couples, as well as with small groups. She never positions herself as the expert of anything and is always reminding you that it is you who knows best for yourself, always, which I love, that I know It's the truth behind it all, absolutely.
Speaker 1:She mentioned in the episode. she's just there, she's sort of guiding and facilitating. Yeah, but again, even we say this. We're not experts. We're just here to share our journey. And if you learn something from it.
Speaker 2:it's great Well and she said during the interview she was like I have such a strong sense of self. I've always listened to my own inner voice and inner guidance and it definitely seems like that's her strategy, sort of is to be like what is feeling good for you right now. It's not what. I think, you should do, or someone else, or whoever in your life. You're not relying on them to make this choice. It's all about your direction, your compass your personal sense of self. Yes, and she is a self-proclaimed pleasure junkie.
Speaker 2:Yeah, so that's what we're going to call this episode.
Speaker 1:And tune in to get some tips on how you can be a pleasure junkie too. Yes, please, all right. Well, enjoy the interview Yeah, welcome, jamie Lerner, to the Goddess Fives Studio and to the show. We're super excited to have you here. Thank you for inviting me. First, just set the stage with our audience. A little bit about who you are, a little bit about your backstory and what you do.
Speaker 3:I was trained as a psychotherapist and realized that that was not really serving myself or others. So after a long time being in a private practice, I gave it up and traveled and I was like I gave it up and traveled and studied and doing something very different now, which is the integrative approach to well-being, which is assisting people in assisting themselves from getting to where they are to where they want to be, And it's a very fun, humor-filled, quick process.
Speaker 2:How did you jump from going? this is no longer serving me to, it seems. I guess from an outsider's perspective, like seems like you just did it, no problem. How did you make that transition?
Speaker 3:So I was born with a knowing. I think we all are. However, i only heard my own voice throughout my entire life, which is really a big problem for people in authority, because I was impossible to influence. I didn't listen to anybody except my own voice And, yeah, it created a lot of problems in my younger years and even in my older years. So I studied psychology and I got my MSW in social work and I ended up having very quickly a private practice And it was really interesting to me.
Speaker 3:However, what I was doing and I think what psychotherapy does is it keeps people where they are. They're always looking back and they're always blaming their significant others or parents or and they really don't have any way to be in the here and now and move forward. So after doing that for a while, intuitively I knew like this is not working for me. I don't think I'm assisting other people, i'm not encouraging them to step in a place of their own personal power, and so but here I had a really thriving private practice and I thought there's never going to be a good time to do this, and so I just said do it. And I did it. And as soon as I did it, it was like such a big relief for me, because it's hard when you know you're someplace that you don't belong. So, oh yeah, and I just never looked back.
Speaker 2:I feel like you seem to have a really strong sense of self, and your book, of course, right on the front page, says create a long-term, term-connected relationship with yourself. How do you inspire women to do that?
Speaker 3:Well, first of all, i think that people don't even know that that's an option which is so wrong.
Speaker 3:And it's kind of like what you girls had said in your introductory, where you said we're all doing great, but then there's so much more. And when you allow people to even think about that as an option, i think that's a good start. But my issue was that I was always connected to myself, but I did not have a connection to my mother. So it was really hard for me to figure that out, and then I realized that I didn't have a connection to her because she didn't have a connection with herself. So it was kind of like this exploratory journey for me to sort all that out and then write a book based on oh, my goodness, we really could create this moment-to-moment, long-term connection with ourself, and when we do that then we're able to connect with everyone else or not. But it becomes like a really nice option.
Speaker 1:I was reading your book and you spoke a little bit about your childhood And it sounds like you had a very interesting upbringing different people coming into your life. Can you tell us any more about that?
Speaker 3:Well, my parents, they were amazing. So our house was like a revolving door of Annie's and international students and all different kinds of people And my parent. Well, we grew up in the 70s. It was a very different time And my parents were like super cool, so they didn't give me much to push against. There's five of us And they were kind of busy doing their own thing.
Speaker 3:So in some ways that was really wonderful for me personally because it allowed me to really hear my voice, follow my voice, know myself, and that was really helpful for me particularly. But then the piece of not being connected to my mom then I was like, oh my god, if I could only be a better person or if I could only be a better student. I kept thinking, what can I do to have this connection with this person that brought me into the world? So that has pretty much been my kind of issue. But it was all resolved when she was intubated and hospitalized And we sat together for five days And really it made so much sense that it was all about her inability to connect with herself.
Speaker 2:So the book is really a tribute to her and teaching me to know myself and love myself And yeah, What is your advice to women who feel like they don't have that instinctual connection or that immediate connection with their mom or maybe perhaps a sister in their situation or whoever is that bond they have. They don't quite feel that connection. Do you have any advice to give them to search for that?
Speaker 3:Yes, i think to start thinking in terms of being compassionate towards that person, because the inability to connect with someone else has a lot to do with their inability to be connected to themselves. So, generally, don't take a person If you're not connected to yourself. It's not like you're going to be hand picking who to connect to, you're just not connected.
Speaker 2:Yeah.
Speaker 3:So, and then to use that person as your excuse to look back at yourself and to explore how to maintain or just create and recreate the connection with yourself. And when do we do that? It feels so good?
Speaker 2:Yeah, I mean just personally, I have a fractured relationship with my own mother And it's difficult not to go if she would just do this, or if I could only do this, or if this thing had happened differently. So yeah, maybe connecting to myself instead.
Speaker 3:And also forgiving her or whoever the person is, because it's not like they won't, they can't, yeah, and when you understand it that way, it feels better. It's not like they can, and then they're just choosing to diss you. No, they're disconnected and disconnected. It's disconnected.
Speaker 2:Yes.
Speaker 3:So use that person as your excuse to just be so connected to you.
Speaker 2:I love that. That's beautiful, yeah, and then you end up thanking that person.
Speaker 3:I end up feeling so appreciative of my mom and my relationship with her, because if it wasn't for her and that relationship, I don't know if I ever would have figured this out. So Yeah.
Speaker 1:Do you have any specific practices? I know there's some in the book as well on tips on how to get through that, but for our audience in this episode, is there a practice they can do for this type of forgiveness or anything you could offer?
Speaker 3:It's really hard to forgive anyone until you forgive yourself, and I think because we tend to blame ourselves and feel like it's something that we're either doing or not doing. So we have to forgive ourselves first and allow ourselves to be where we are and embrace ourselves from where we are and begin to love and appreciate ourselves, like not what other people are appreciating about us, but what are we appreciating about ourselves?
Speaker 1:That's so different, Also changing your storyline. That part spoke to us because we talk a lot about your life is in this story, this book, and you're creating the chapters And we love that analogy. So can you talk more about your theory on changing your storyline and how?
Speaker 3:important. That is, some people don't even know their mantra or what their story is and what they're telling other people, because they've done it for so long and it's so practiced They don't even know what they're saying. But to begin to hear that story and then understand, does that story feel good when you're telling it? If it does, great, keep telling it. It probably doesn't, though. So if it doesn't feel good, it probably isn't good.
Speaker 3:So how can you soften the tone of it? How can you fact check it? How can you edit it? How can you make a better connection with yourself so that you understand what you're saying about yourself and how you're feeling about? that is in alignment. And if it doesn't feel good, ok, so now what? Yes, can you create a better feeling story just by changing a few words or softening the tone. Or sometimes it's a story that someone told you. You don't even know if it's true, but you just kind of took it on and ran with it And you got so much attention, because the more drama and trauma, the more attention we get. So you know.
Speaker 2:That's so true.
Speaker 1:I was going to ask too. I loved how you talked about contrast and we've heard you know the Abraham Hicks book. She talks a lot about contrast but it still is something that's quite hard to you called it selective sifting. Can you talk more about contrast and how to see it and utilize it and kind of change your perspective of when things, when crappy things, happen in your life that sort of vibe.
Speaker 3:Well, we don't even know what we want until something happens that we don't want. So I always like embrace, contact, contrast, because I think like, okay, great, this is something like that I do not want. So as a result of this, the question becomes what do I want? most people are not comfortable asking themselves what they want. They're always like pointing to what they don't want, and the more you point to what you don't want, the more you have what you don't want. So it's just kind of that way. So to begin to kind of tune into yourself and when you hear yourself talk about all the things you don't want, kind of laugh about it, because here we go again from that. Okay, what do you want you?
Speaker 3:know, and and that question is really scary for people, but it doesn't have to box you and it changes moment to moment what we want, but it all comes from what we don't want.
Speaker 2:What type of advice do you have for women who think it's selfish to have what they want, to have the life that they want?
Speaker 3:I think that comes from a place of using everyone in your life is an excuse not to explore it, and we do that, especially as women. We use our children, our husbands, our boyfriends, our girlfriends, our employees you know everyone is a very convenient excuse why we are not going to take the time for ourselves and create a loving relationship. So I think it's just bullshit. But if you want to take responsibility for that and say I'm using all these people as an excuse, i applaud that, because that is really stepping into your personal power, taking personal responsibility and you are no longer a victim.
Speaker 1:That's brilliant but it's a choice. Yeah, we just did an episode on becoming her and stepping into your main character and we talked a lot about that victim mentality and you know how to kind of get out of it. But do you have any more tips for women who it's really challenging or maybe they're surrounded by people who are in that vibe? I think I see that a lot where, like, everyone around us is in victim, so then you get sucked into it.
Speaker 1:Yeah, what's? how can we deal? I think we have to tune into how it feels.
Speaker 3:How does it feel to be a victim? Yeah, if that feels good to you, run with it. Usually, people do not feel good being a victim, so that's really where it begins, is how does it feel? I would say that when you have a better relationship with yourself, you'll have much less friends, you'll have less attention, you'll have a smaller audience, but you will be a better mother, wife, friend, sister, whatever because the relationship with ourselves is the basis for every other relationship we go on to have with another.
Speaker 2:It is really difficult. We've been talking a lot about how June so far has been kind of chaotic. Oh my god, we're very busy, we're struggling, we have families, we have jobs, we have everything kind of going on. And I've noticed lately it's really difficult for me to just feel what I'm feeling, to just stop and be like that's okay that you're feeling this way and actually allow my body to feel it. I kind of want to kick it out and move on to the next thing and stuff it in the closet. Do you have any?
Speaker 3:tips on that As a gift to yourself. Acknowledge that that's your choice. Say, at this moment, i know I need to sit and feel all this, but I'm not, and so I'm giving myself permission to do that. Yeah, okay, that will feel so much better. Mm-hmm, so it's something you've chosen. It's not happening to you. You're consciously choosing, even if you don't think it's the right decision. Okay, you might make another decision in 10 minutes but, you know, heart yourself on the flat. Give yourself some grace. It's a moment, and then there's the next moment.
Speaker 2:I love the statement about in 10 minutes you might make a different choice.
Speaker 3:Yes, it's a moment to moment. That's what life is. It's just one moment to the next. It's one moment and the next moment, and that goes for everything. If we make a decision, we might make a different decision in five minutes, and that's okay. I love that. So we tend to box ourselves in, and it doesn't need to be that way, mm-hmm.
Speaker 1:Yeah, it's giving me a lot of calming energy, right now. Yes, like. Paul said I don't know if you're in a different, maybe, state than us, because I mean I don't know if you've been feeling, i don't know if there's astrological stuff going on, but June has been nuts And so I mean I've been challenged, trying to get centered, and it's just been so crazy. Oh my God, are you feeling any of that, or are you just like?
Speaker 3:I am so practiced, i am so sensitive to how I feel that if I even get into that for one minute, i don't have much tolerance for not feeling good. I'm a pleasure junkie So I know I have control every moment. It's true, like what I choose to think about and how I choose to feel. So I don't let anyone get to me, which is maddening. I mean, i have children, i have grandchildren and it's really hard for them because they want to get to me. But I'm like no, i'm important. I am more important in terms of how I feel than any of this nonsense. So I'm like not interested in being sucked in, which doesn't mean that I tune them out. It just means I allow myself to be where I am. I allow them to be where they are and it has nothing to do with me where they are. So I mind my own business a lot.
Speaker 2:That's fantastic.
Speaker 3:Really nice. It's really nice God that's good.
Speaker 1:I want to be a pleasure junkie.
Speaker 2:Me too.
Speaker 1:That's good, i see you too.
Speaker 2:Treasure junkie How?
Speaker 1:do you? Okay, so all the women listening. they want to be pleasure junkies. I mean, i know you said you're very practiced and that's what we're in season two. We're in our own practice, we're growing. Eventually we'll get there. What's some tips or some steps first, few steps to take to become a pleasure junkie.
Speaker 3:Well, to take the first few minutes of your day, whatever time that is. For me it's very early I'm at five every morning but I use that first few minutes of the day to address me. It's me first. I think about what am I appreciative about myself, for myself, about myself, and that is very nurturing and nourishing for me. I'll have coffee. I'll just really get myself center and I'll feel like I've given to me first and now I'm ready to do for everybody else, and I think that sets the tone and gives you a message that you're important. Yeah, and then you're often running, but you're often running not in a resentful way giving and giving and giving to people where you don't have anything. It's almost like you're just extending this lovely help, like to make lunches or to drive children or whatever it is. It doesn't feel like it's anything you have to do, but you want to do it and you're feeling good doing it. It feels good to the people on the receiving end. It's like a win-win for everybody.
Speaker 2:Beautiful.
Speaker 3:It's easy and it doesn't cost anything. It's available for everybody.
Speaker 2:Yes, how much time do you think you spend being mindful? first thing in the morning? 20 minutes tops.
Speaker 3:But that goes a long way because if you would ask people how much time they are really in their body feeling good about themselves, being sitting with themselves, i don't think people do it for even 10 minutes a day.
Speaker 2:Not five minutes a day, far not enough, for sure, yes.
Speaker 3:Well, yes, but once again it really sends a beautiful message to you that you're important, not that someone else is going to put you first and make you important, but it's coming from you to you. I love that That goes so much further than somebody else putting you first.
Speaker 2:Oh, that's beautiful. So I would like to talk about the art of allowing, which you discuss a lot. I think it can be tricky, it's very tricky.
Speaker 3:Yes, it's very tricky. Okay, it is tricky because the only way we can do it is to be non-judgmental of ourselves and non-judgmental of us. Most of the time that we're looking out there making judgments about people we don't even know what they're wearing, what they're saying, how they look, whatever. That's a great indication that we are, in that moment, very judgmental of ourselves. That's classic projection. Yeah, when we identify that, we should really laugh and be like okay, here we go again And ask ourselves a question What is it in this moment that is keeping me disconnected from myself? Like what am I thinking about myself? that I am judging about myself Very. It doesn't even matter if you know. But the question to turn it back on you is helpful, but to do it gently, not to judge yourself. And oh my God, and what's wrong with that? It's almost in a lovingly curious way.
Speaker 2:Yeah Well, and we've said lots of times, curiosity is key. Like get curious about why are you feeling this way or why are you expressing that judgment or judging on yourself, or whatever.
Speaker 3:Yeah, and the moment you do that, it's interesting how your eyes softens to everything else that you see. And then, once that happens, you really are able to allow yourselves to be where you are And you don't care where anyone else is, it's none of your business. Where they are is fine, and you extend that allowing to others, and that's a really nice way to move about the work.
Speaker 2:Like I feel like in my chain of events of my life I rely on other people a lot for things to go smoothly. If they're in a different place than I am, it's difficult for me to go. You know what. You're, where you are and I'm where I am. I feel like I start carrying more of the load and then I become resentful. Absolutely, can you give?
Speaker 3:a concrete example.
Speaker 2:Well, i guess for a very relevant example, we're throwing my son's graduation party tomorrow. He's just graduated high school. We're all very proud of him, but I feel like, thank you, i feel like the boatload of responsibility has fallen on me and my spouse has you know. I feel like I'm picking up the slack and I'm becoming more resentful of him and not just saying like I realize that you know, you feel like you have less time than I do, or whatever. You know the case is. I start to bottle that resentment up instead of allowing, using the art of allowing, and just saying like, okay, this is, it's all going to get done, because I doubt it. I start to feel very stressed.
Speaker 3:So it comes back to the question which feels better? Does it feel better to delegate to him or does it feel better to do it yourself? That's good. If it feels better to do it yourself, then do it in a way that's very loving. Because you're choosing Yeah, if it feels better to delegate to him, then in a very nice way, just make it clear to him by handing him a list of like okay, these are the things you're in charge of in a very nice way And that's it. But we like get in our head in these conversations back and forth, and back and forth, back and forth, why he can't do this, why you need to do it, and it just becomes like this mind fuck of unnecessary anything. No, yeah, which feels better, it feels better to delegate, delegate. If it feels better to do it yourself, do it yourself no-transcript.
Speaker 1:And then is the key when you're delegating it, then you need to surrender control of how it's done.
Speaker 3:Well, if you yes, because if you like, you know your husband. So if you were to give him a list, a specific list, to go to the grocery store like, could he follow the specific list?
Speaker 2:I want to say yes, he may call me three or four times, but he's not going to get through it.
Speaker 3:Okay, so would he appreciate the list, though the specific list? Yes, he would appreciate that, right? Yes, and especially if it would like meant a lot to you and you empowered him and you said, like you know you're really good at this. Yes, So like, thank you so much, i so appreciate that you're going to like take charge of this and do a great job. Yeah, it's the same thing with delegating for the graduation, and I think we don't do enough empowering of ourselves because we believe that they can't do it, because we are not going to delegate, because we need to get it done a certain way.
Speaker 2:Right.
Speaker 3:Control, okay, yeah, which is which is okay, but you just have to be aware, and so, once again, if it feels better to do it yourself, then just do yourself and feel good about it, or give him a chance, you know, and a little encouragement, and don't know, maybe he would surprise you. He'd probably feel really proud of himself And he'd probably feel like, wow, like I could actually be part of this graduation party. Yeah.
Speaker 2:I love that This also may have turned into a personal therapy session for me.
Speaker 3:No, But these things are so common. Yeah, they really are, they're really common.
Speaker 2:You have to imagine our audience is going to be like, yep, how do?
Speaker 3:I do that.
Speaker 2:Yes.
Speaker 1:Mine will fall from the grocery store. He'll FaceTime me and be like is it this one or this one?
Speaker 3:And from that we have to be so appreciative that they're taking that step. I mean because certainly for them to choose it themselves it would be wrong, you know, we just it would be wrong.
Speaker 2:Yeah, and I feel like I'm right in this moment, kind of realizing the importance of them wanting to do it right, wanting to get the one that we would prefer, rather than just being like who cares, like they care what we think, they care what we want, and that's why they're asking this one of that one. Yeah, they're not so bad.
Speaker 3:No, they're really not, and I think the idea of being more appreciative of the people in our life goes a long way. It feels good to appreciate others, it feels good to appreciate our songs, and a little appreciation goes a really long way with people.
Speaker 1:I love that. I have a selfish one for me but also for our audience. No, it's good. We're never going to stop Season one. we get some episodes and it was in our top five on self-love and my virtue for this year.
Speaker 1:My seed of intention for this year for me is to really live in that loving energy for myself and loving to others, and it's getting out of judgment of myself and others and all that stuff. But I think a lot of women struggle to love themselves and, like you know, when you're looking in the mirror and you're, like you know, pinching the body parts and struggling a lot with that lately, about just not feeling happy with body and image, do you have any words of wisdom? How do you appreciate it? Yeah, it's hard, it's really hard.
Speaker 3:I think we don't know if we appreciate ourselves. I think that we are so tuned out of how we feel in our body because we are so out of directing you know the social media and just everything. So I think it's really good to like get in your mind, like when you're looking at your body, and ask yourself, like how do you really feel about your body? and find something to appreciate, because you know, you see these interviews with these gorgeous model, you know, and these people don't like their bodies either.
Speaker 3:Yeah, and you're like of course you don't. I mean, this has nothing to do with your size, it has nothing to do with it. It has nothing to do with any of that. We live in a world where I mean I think it's gotten better, body acceptance has gotten better, but the underlying tone is you could do more, yes, and that's just bullshit, like you, but you have to do it from the inside out. It has to be like what do you appreciate about your body?
Speaker 2:Yeah, it's like looking back at old photos and being like man. I was so cute, like I was hot And at that time I was like your hips are so big, whatever.
Speaker 1:But, now.
Speaker 3:I look at it and I'm like you dumb, dumb, you were super hot.
Speaker 2:What were you thinking? Now I'm like well, that's gone. I'm like what? I'm going like okay.
Speaker 3:Okay, but this is the thing If your husbands or boyfriends or friends or whatever thought that you looked so good and you didn't feel like you look so good, you wouldn't even hear that, you wouldn't even entertain that. That's why it's so important for you to formulate an opinion about yourself, for yourself, that nobody can rock. Who cares what people think about how you look? How do you feel about how you look? Yeah, and it's such an important thing to work on with our children.
Speaker 1:Yeah.
Speaker 3:You know this idea of, like, just individual self expression having nothing to do with what others think.
Speaker 1:Yes, But can we peel it apart just a little, like, okay, when you're like how do you feel about you, know how you look and like what? if the answer is I hate it, like what do you hate?
Speaker 3:Like that's too big. You hate what? Like what? What do you hate?
Speaker 1:My belly my pooch, my little.
Speaker 3:Do you have children? Yeah, where do you think? where do those children come from? My belly? I'm serious, like that is like a part of your body, that's like, oh my God, yeah.
Speaker 3:You know without that, like you're child, wouldn't even be there. Yeah, certainly it couldn't be depending on your partner for that. No, you know you have to make peace with, find some appreciation for that, and I would bet that, whoever your partners are, they don't see you the way you do. They're not picking you apart the way you're picking yourself apart. Yeah, there's just, first of all, men. See women in squares. Men can't even see like a whole body part. It's true, like we think that all these things we see about ourselves, that our boyfriends or husbands or girlfriends, they don't. Yeah, you just don't. And you see these uber confident women that are like bigger and beautiful And it's like they command the room when they walk in because they just feel so good about themselves.
Speaker 1:Yeah, Okay, I want that.
Speaker 2:Yeah, I feel like this is tying kind of neatly And we have already talked about right like, change your storyline. But when it feels difficult, where do you start? Just start with the appreciation and then move your way into story.
Speaker 3:I mean, i think first you have to fact check. Is this shit even true?
Speaker 3:Yeah, This story like is even true in this moment. Is this your life right now, or was this your life like 20 years ago? Like that's ridiculous. Why are you telling this 20 year old story? You know, edit it, update it, soften the tone of it. You know, use whatever happened then as a wonderful excuse for where you are right now. You have to find some good feeling about the moment. Yeah, if it doesn't like coincide with your story, give up this fucking story.
Speaker 1:Yeah.
Speaker 3:And start over.
Speaker 1:Love that. I'm really gonna embody that this next week, this season, Like let's do it For sure. So can I ask how women so you, you're helping women are? are they signing up to get coached by you? Like what's, how do they connect with you, How do they find you? And like what's your process?
Speaker 3:So I work with people who want to take personal responsibility, because the only way to work with me is to go to my website and to free it all that. I do not talk to anyone about money Everything's on there. I don't talk to anyone about sessions Everything's on there. They contact me and they tell me what they need in terms of time.
Speaker 3:And then I set up a session with them And then, because I don't know what you want, you know what you want. I don't know what you need. You know what you need And most people are not used to hearing it. Yeah, most people are used to being told what they need and what they want, so it's very it's a very different approach. It's very empowering for the person that wants to work with me, because they're in control And I also have a great service called the quickie, which is a lovely texting option which I just love, and it's the same with them. So people just choose them on a time they prepaid, i set up a session with them And that's what it is.
Speaker 2:How do you help them find their way? if they say I really don't know what I want. I really don't know who I am, I don't know what I want. I feel like I'm totally in the dark, Like what's your flashlight that you give them to help them find their way to that?
Speaker 3:The question is do you want to? Oh yeah, do you want to? Do you want to know yourself? Do you want to love yourself? It's a question And some people are like, no, and I'm like I get it, it's okay, you'll probably find anyone. But a lot of people are like, yeah, i do, because you got to want it for yourself, we can't want it for others. It's hard because when we have it, we want everybody to have it. Most people don't want it, to be honest. Most people are not interested. It's just not. It's okay. Misery loves company. Most people are not interested in improving their lives. They're interested in complaining about their lives. They're interested in being the victim of their lives. They're interested in being stuck. It's okay, i respect all of that, but take responsibility for it. You're choosing it. You're choosing it. Okay, it wouldn't be my choice.
Speaker 2:But okay, man. Oh my God, it's hard to personally, it's hard to have compassion, sometimes, for someone who's like. I am choosing the victim. clearly, i am choosing that. this is what I want my life to be and I want you to co-sign on that.
Speaker 3:Well. So you can be compassionate because you can allow them to be that way, but you don't have to co-sign, you don't have to be part of it, you don't have to enable it. You can just honor it, be like okay, you know, if that's what you want, i totally understand. That doesn't mean that you're participating in it.
Speaker 2:Right, yeah, you talking your book about not asking the people around you to change in order to love yourself.
Speaker 3:Never, Never And it really is pisses my kids off. They're like, mom, you lit everyone off the hook And I'm like, I know, isn't this amazing? They're like, no, something's wrong with you. I'm like, no, it feels so much better, Like I am in 100% control of how I'm going to feel and what I'm going to think about. And no, I don't, I'm not depending on anybody for how I feel about myself. No way. Why would I do that? Why would I give up all that power to other people? How that's beautiful, I mean it. just it doesn't even make sense. But you know, most people think like how did you get there?
Speaker 3:And I really think that I was so tuned in to me because I knew I didn't have the connection with my mom. It had to be me. Yeah, if you look at like small children and babies and their mother, they're so dependent. But when that's not there, like what do you have? You have to go back to yourself. So that's why, in the end, i was so appreciative of her, like in many ways, like that was my life one. Yeah, so it's.
Speaker 3:I think that we all can get back to ourselves And I think we all know for ourselves And I think, intuitively, we all love ourselves And it feels like coming home when we do it And then we're so much better for other people. So if you're not going to do it for yourself, do it for other people. Oh my God, you know it is a win-win. But the thing too is like it doesn't matter how or why. You know for yourself. When you know for yourself, you know for yourself Intuitively, you just know. Now you can hear yourself and make the choice. Like I know for myself, i should do this, i'm choosing not to, okay, or I know for myself and I'm choosing to. That is very important to remember all the times you knew for yourself. It doesn't matter what you chose to do about it, but it reinforces that you always know for yourself.
Speaker 2:Always. I can talk a little bit about procrastination also.
Speaker 3:And I love procrastination.
Speaker 2:You turn it on its head because I'm like don't you put it off, we have to do it right now and very structured and very organized.
Speaker 3:And so reading that bit, i was like come on, you do this for yourself or you're telling others.
Speaker 2:I mean now. I'm confused about it.
Speaker 1:Now I'm like I don't know.
Speaker 2:I don't know if I'm doing it because I think it's going to make me feel better, or because I think it will make the environment better, or if I think I just check things off my list and I can finally be done.
Speaker 3:The thing about procrastination is, when you have to do something and you really don't want to do it, don't do it. The outcome is never successful, it just isn't So. Procrastination is a reminder that you need to pause and get in alignment with the task of him. That's it. So you say I'm supposed to do this right now. I feel like it, okay. Then you come back to it a little bit later. I'm supposed to do this, i'm feeling it Okay. Eventually you'll feel better about it and do it. You got to trust yourself, yeah. And then when you do do it, it feels so much better. You're doing it now because you want to, not because you have to. So it really speaks to trusting yourself and knowing yourself, loving yourself. Have you ever missed a deadline? No, does everyone have their own system? A lot of people wait to the last minute. That's okay. You know yourself so well. You'll wait to the last minute and you'll pull it off. Okay, that's not a problem. It's a system, yeah, an individual system.
Speaker 2:It directly aligns with trust, I think.
Speaker 3:Absolutely, absolutely. But that doesn't mean that you know of someone else, right? We're so quick to tell other people what they should and shouldn't be doing. We don't know what other people should be doing, we only know what we could or should be doing for ourselves. So with my children, i'm always telling them check in with yourself. What do you think? What do you think? Well, what should I do? I don't know. What do you think? And that is such a nice way of getting a child to begin to trust themselves.
Speaker 1:Do you have any advice for corporate women who are on their journey, maybe climbing the corporate ladder, having some challenges there? But I'm just curious from that lens for my own selfish reasons.
Speaker 3:Well, there's a lot of women that are really great at what they do in their job, but as soon as they take that hat off, they are lost Truly. They hide behind that, that's true. They hide behind that, that role, that title, and that's really hard. I think that's really really hard because we are not what we do. I mean, that is living like half a life. So you know, i don't know. Everyone chooses that for a different reason. 90% of the reason is because most people don't want to figure out who they are.
Speaker 1:Yeah.
Speaker 3:Which is okay. I mean, if you can justify your existence by being productive and making money, okay, i don't have a point of view about that, but how do you feel? Yeah, Yeah.
Speaker 3:Get in touch with who you are when you're not that at work, person, that role Or even when you are at that work person, you know, yeah, i mean, it doesn't really matter what we decide to do. It just matters that we are tuned in to ourselves, that we know we have a choice And the decision is, whatever it's going to be, it'll probably be fine because we're choosing it. Yes, in the next minute we choose something different, like none of this is a big deal, but we just get so in our head about everything that literally like we're not even waiting.
Speaker 2:Doesn't it feel big, you know, sometimes, and then look back later and you're like man, that really wasn't that big, but in the moment, it's just okay.
Speaker 3:It's which feels better. It always comes down to which feels better at any given moment. Period. Does it feel better to think about this or not? Yeah, When you feel better to think about it, don't think about it And in 10 minutes ask yourself the question again. Only think about it when it feels good to think about it. That's it.
Speaker 2:That's beautiful. It's so simple.
Speaker 3:It's almost too simple. It's too simple, it's too simple And that's why people like they reject it. It's like too simple.
Speaker 1:Is there anything else that you're hoping to share with our audience before we wrap up? I think I have a title for this episode. It's going to definitely be pleasure junkie.
Speaker 2:So I love that, but what?
Speaker 1:anything else like final thoughts or messages for our audience?
Speaker 3:Self-care is self-love and making you lunch for yourself is self-care. Simple little thing Make your lunch for yourself before you make your children's lunch. Put a nice napkin there, nice fork there. That is self-care and translates into self-love. So little things.
Speaker 2:Beautiful.
Speaker 1:Yes, that's beautiful. That's true. I always do everyone else, and then I'm like, well, i don't have time to do me, so I got to eat a crappy lunch.
Speaker 3:But when you do yourself first it feels so good And then you have like all of this energy to do everyone else's because you've given to yourself first. It's like putting your oxygen mask on first and then assisting others. And they say that on the airplane all the time And like I don't even think people believe that.
Speaker 2:I mean, every time I hear it I always think I bet you I'd put on my kids first.
Speaker 1:They say it and I still go like absolutely would, she absolutely would.
Speaker 3:But if you think about it, how could you help your kid if you can't breathe?
Speaker 2:I don't know, That's her life right now. I don't know, But it's just this instinct in my being that says like I believe it would be like I'll just do yours first.
Speaker 3:You know, i think mother birds eat first And they regurgitate and feed their children. That's primitive, but you know, it's a great example. So, yes, choices, choices, choices, it's all choices. No judgment, just wonderful choices, that's all.
Speaker 1:That's all of that. Yeah, i'm really taken away from this episode about just asking yourself like how does it feel? Because yeah and it's and we've talked about it a little bit over the seasons, but it just hit differently today Just really getting into that energy, like do I want to do this? How does it feel? Like I think that's Yeah.
Speaker 3:But don't do. How does it feel? Do which feels better. It feels better. How does it feel to take you down the rabbit hole? You don't have time for that. Okay, just which feels better, that's it.
Speaker 1:Which feels better and then do the thing that feels better.
Speaker 3:For that moment And then ask yourself in a few moments which feels better.
Speaker 1:It's great. Oh, i love it. Okay, i am doing that. And then we also wanted to hike your book because we loved it. So the essence of you And I bought mine, i think, on Amazon is where it was Yeah, That's the only place to buy.
Speaker 3:It's old, It's like 11 years old, but it is like a priceless, timeless gem. I mean I go back and read it all the time just to see if there's something in there that's kind of dated. And I think the only thing that's dated is there's a reference to the Blackberry. Otherwise, everything's pretty current, relevant. It's an easy book to read. It's gentle, it's loving. I mean it's yeah, it feels good to read it.
Speaker 2:Where can our audience find you? What's your website? Are you on social media, like all of those things? Where can we all find It's joy?
Speaker 3:I'm. It was a total failure on Instagram because I just could not keep up. I could not. I am on Facebook and I try to post something inspirational every day. I have a website, it's wwwjmie-lernercom, and that is it, and there's a million podcasts on there. There's great information And the website itself feels really good to just kind of go to and you know, look around, so and that's it.
Speaker 1:So we'll put the links to your website and the book and everything and your Facebook in the show notes so everybody can find you And we thank you so much for the book.
Speaker 3:Thank you for inviting me We love it.
Speaker 2:I think I needed that too.
Speaker 1:Yes, i love it And I think, for our audience, we'll do a check in in our next happy hour. Oh yeah, how did it go? So mine too, yeah, using this theory, and we challenge everybody to do the same.
Speaker 2:Yes.
Speaker 1:Which feels better in the moment, moment to moment, And it's not about like thinking far out right You mentioned it's like I don't think, i mean, all we really have is this moment.
Speaker 3:If we think about it, yeah, we have nothing else but this moment. So if you can be in the moment, i think it really does feel better than projecting to like next and next and next and next. And that was just this moment, the next moment, the next moment.
Speaker 1:And it all kind of feels easy Yeah. Yeah, beautiful. Thank you so much.
Speaker 3:You are so welcome. Thank you again for inviting me.
Speaker 2:So wonderful, so good.
Speaker 1:Thank you, appreciate you, thank, you Thank you, thank you, thank you.